There's a second before collapsing, before going back onstage, where Peter kisses him and Jason wishes it could be different, wishes he didn't have to do this and that Peter wouldn't be better off without him. That he could take it all back -- the drugs, and Ivy, and breaking up at all. He remembers that with surprising clarity, lying in a hospital bed, still alive despite his own best efforts. It just doesn't make him feel any less like things would have been easier if he'd died.
It's been a long few days since he woke up, between the boredom and the bone-deep exhaustion from realizing he has to figure out what to do next. His parents haven't officially disowned him, probably because Mom's decided it'd look bad to abandon their son while he's still in the hospital, but they haven't visited either. He's pretty sure they're arranging for a rehab place to hide him away at next, and the rest will come when he gets out of there. The only person he's seen is Nadia, who sits with him when she comes and kindly hasn't made him talk about it yet.
When the door opens, he's expecting her again, and it takes a second for him to look up from the book he's holding but not really reading -- and then he stiffens, staring when Peter walks in instead.
"Peter?" His voice cracks, surprise evident, more so than is probably warranted. Peter's too good a person not to want to make sure he's okay, and Jason knows that, it's just...
There's a million reasons Peter would probably be better off walking away from this mess and forgetting about him that he's ignoring to be here instead. A million reasons why Jason's swallowed it down every time he had the urge to call or send a message, no idea what to say, just wanting to hear his voice again.
please understand that I tried
It's been a long few days since he woke up, between the boredom and the bone-deep exhaustion from realizing he has to figure out what to do next. His parents haven't officially disowned him, probably because Mom's decided it'd look bad to abandon their son while he's still in the hospital, but they haven't visited either. He's pretty sure they're arranging for a rehab place to hide him away at next, and the rest will come when he gets out of there. The only person he's seen is Nadia, who sits with him when she comes and kindly hasn't made him talk about it yet.
When the door opens, he's expecting her again, and it takes a second for him to look up from the book he's holding but not really reading -- and then he stiffens, staring when Peter walks in instead.
"Peter?" His voice cracks, surprise evident, more so than is probably warranted. Peter's too good a person not to want to make sure he's okay, and Jason knows that, it's just...
There's a million reasons Peter would probably be better off walking away from this mess and forgetting about him that he's ignoring to be here instead. A million reasons why Jason's swallowed it down every time he had the urge to call or send a message, no idea what to say, just wanting to hear his voice again.